Can't Buy Me Love (part 1 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    When I carried a chair into the kitchen, Ma asked, “Who was on the phone?”  

    “Nadia,” I mumbled.  As if she didn't know.

    Ma sighed.  “You two will be deaf.”  Ma followed me to the dining room to see if there were any nuts left for the men to eat.

    I didn't just have nuts on my mind.  “Ma, this is important.  The Beatles-”

    “What?  We have bugs?”

    “No, Ma.  THE BEATLES."  God, sometimes she could be so dense.  I spoke slowly, "We saw them on Ed Sullivan.” 

    Aunt Demi snorted.  “Again this Ed Sullivan.”  

    Ma said, “We see a lot on Ed Sullivan...  How does that guy keep six dishes spinning at the same time?”

    I tried to keep Ma on topic.  “The Beatles are going to sing in Shea Stadium.”

    Ma didn’t understand.  “During a baseball game?”

    “No, Ma.  It’ll just be them singing.  That's not important.  Can I go with Nadia?”   

    Aunt Demi didn't like the sound of this.  She didn't think much of her brother Demi's wife or her whole nationality.  Aunt Demi had been in Malta during the Big One, and she still held a grudge against Italians.  She was crocheting real fast.  “Is Des or that wop... er... woman taking her?”

    I tried to impress Aunt Demi with Nadia's and my new found maturity.  “No.  Just the two of us.”

    Aunt Demi was shocked.  “Girls going out without a parent?  Hmmph.”

    Ma saw we were heading for trouble.  She took the easy way out.  “Ask your Pop.”