Can't Buy Me Love (part 9 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Ma just ignored Aunt Demi.  This was something new.  Ma had always deferred to her sister-in-law.  Aunt Demi was older.  She was louder.  

    But Aunt Liz had asked Ma's - not Aunt Demi's - permission for me to type for her bowling club.  Aunt Liz was the new Aunt on the block.  If she played her cards right with Aunt Liz, Ma could be the bossy older sister-in-law.  That suited Ma just fine.           

    I don't know if Aunt Liz was impressed by the work we were going to put into our traditional Mother's Day feast or if she was afraid that Charlie would be expecting something similar for Father's Day.  She just smiled and said,  “Why, that’s quite a job.  Wouldn’t it be easier to join us at the Club Safari?”  

    Yeah.  The Club Safari.  Great idea.  Barbara and I turned and nodded like a pair of donkeys at Ma, hoping she’d give us a break.  

    No luck.

    “No.  They’ll make what I said.  Exactly.” 

    Liz looked at Ma with greater respect.  The family honor was saved.  Ma shot us, her stunned daughters, a warning glance. 

    Ma had finished preparing a light snack for the men.  “There.  It’s ready.  Demi, you can take it out to them.  Tina, help me clear the table, now.  Barbara, take Aunt Liz to your room and show her the picture you’re making.” 

  

    Barbara and I did as we were told, all the while praying that Ma wouldn’t come up with any more traditional ideas before Aunt Liz and Uncle Charlie left. 

    Something really changed in our family that Easter.  Easter had always been a major holiday in our family.  Everyone was cleaned up, dressed up and on best behavior.  Not this year.  This year Easter had turned into just another day compared to the wonder that our first American Mother's Day was going to be.

    Barbara and I were terrified.

Can't Buy Me Love (part 8 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Oh, yeah.  The wheels were turning.  Ma had that look.  That look that said, "You have your ways.  Fine.  But, we are going to do this my way.  As always."      

    Ma sat next to Aunt Liz and explained, “No.  We will have our traditional Mother's Day Brunch.  We have our own holiday food, of course.  But, we will add some of the new things, too, like you said we should have."  She gave a quick look at Aunt Demi.  "Like Americans have.” 

    Aunt Demi snorted and muttered, “Sure.  And I’ll dance naked on the table.” 

    Ma glared at Aunt Demi.  Unimpressed, Aunt Demi glared right back at her.  Aunt Liz looked like she was getting really curious about her new in-laws and their customs.  Ma turned her attention back to Aunt Liz and smiled.  “Yes.  They will make our traditional food and a few of the things you said we should have.  We will have...  What you said..."  

    I could see that Ma was pausing, not for dramatic effect, but because she was trying to remember what Aunt Liz had said that she and her mother were going to eat at Club Safari.  Finally, she remembered.  "We will also have French muffins, English toast, chicken, eggs and liver.  And they’ll roast a baby lamb over the charcoals.  That's our tradition.”  

    

    Aunt Liz looked slightly confused.  There was something just a bit off about the American part of the menu.  Barbara and I were stunned.  What happened to the bacon and eggs?

    Aunt Demi smiled.  She saw the mistake in Ma's plan.  Aunt Demi nodded and said,  “I’d like to see you get this baby lamb in May.”

    Too late Ma remembered that Aunt Liz had said that Mother's Day was more than a month away.  Dimitri wouldn't be selling lambs in May.  Ma wasn't about to admit she'd made a mistake in front of Charlie's new wife.  She knew in-laws never forget.  Ma just turned to Aunt Demi and said, “Demi, We have to eat, right?  It’s Spring in May.  The weather will be nice for a barbecue.  We’ll have a lamb.  And the other stuff.”

    Aunt Demi stared at Ma.  Finally, she spoke.  “Are you crazy?”

Can't Buy Me Love (part 7 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Aunt Liz must have decided to ignore Aunt Demi's question and her furious crocheting, along with Barbara's and my looks of confusion.  Aunt Liz just sat back and smiled.  She was reassured by Ma's announcement that we took part in the great American tradition of Mother's Day.  

    I guess Aunt Liz was hoping that maybe, aside from the overuse of garlic, just maybe Maltese weren’t really that different.  Maybe she hadn't gotten in over her head when she had thrown caution to the winds and married Ma's brother Charlie.  Maybe there was hope that when she had children, her own Mother's Days were going to be celebrated in the good old American way.

    Sure, why not.  There was talk of men going to the moon, too.

    Aunt Liz jumped into helping Barbara and me improve our traditional Mother's Day brunch menu.  “Breakfast in bed is always a nice start.  Bacon and eggs with orange juice and coffee.  Barbara, you're such a big girl.  I'm sure you and your Pop can manage that.  Tina, I have a nice pancake recipe.  It has sliced bananas in it.  Won't that be fun to make?”

  

    We beamed.  Barbara nudged me.  Some fried eggs and bacon, pancakes, orange juice and coffee.  Sure, we could manage that.  

    Ma wasn't so sure that we could handle pouring the juice, even with Pop's help.  She usually chased everybody, including Pop, out of the kitchen.  But now she was stuck with allowing us to make her a special Mother's Day breakfast.  She couldn’t do a thing to stop us.  She couldn’t even yell at us for making a mess.  

    We were talking about staging an official American Mother’s Day.  Ma was stuck with us being nice to her.  Letting us take over the kitchen on Mother's Day was like a new law.  Well, Ma had picked up a few tricks during her years in America.  Laws didn't worry her.

    Every law had a loophole, right?

Can't Buy Me Love (part 6 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Every family has its traditions.  And, unfortunately, we had ours.

    For as far back as Barbara and I could remember, on Mother’s Day, as on every other Sunday when the weather was nice, Pop took us for a walk to Chisolm's Park.  There we would walk around the shore and look at planes arrive and take off from La Guardia Airport, which was across the bay.  After we got bored with that, we went down the slides a few times.  Maybe a few turns on the swings if we felt energetic.  

    We would then walk to the little storefront ice cream stand which was across the street from the park and Pop would buy us ice creams.  Then back to the park to eat our ice creams and watch a few more airplanes.  After that we walked home to a light supper.  

    While Ma did the dishes, Pop would nap on the couch before Ed Sullivan came on the television.  That’s what we did every Sunday when the weather was nice.  To Pop and Ma, that was good enough.  Since we didn't know any better, we thought it was a fine way to spend a Sunday afternoon, too.   

    Every Sunday until now.

    Aunt Demi was big on hanging onto tradition and took upon herself the job of keeping us from getting any ideas from Ma’s new sister-in-law.  “Liz, you should know, Peter is not like Charlie.  My brother Peter is a busy man.  He doesn’t have time for this American garbage.”  Satisfied that she had restored order to our lives, Aunt Demi went back to her crocheting.

    Ma and Pop always tried to behave like good American citizens.  But, they still thought like Maltese.  In Malta, a family’s honor was sacred.  Ma sensed that as good Americans, we had to celebrate Mother's Day.  So, to save our family’s honor, Ma said the only thing she believed was proper to say.  “They’re going to make me a Mother’s Day Brunch.  That’s our tradition.”

    Stunned, Aunt Demi dropped her crocheting.  “Since when?”

Can't Buy Me Love (part 5 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Aunt Liz was having an awfully good time giving my kid sister the third degree.  She should've been a cop.

    Noticing Ma giving her 'The Look' and confused by getting an adult's attention, Barbara whimpered, “I’m making something at school, Aunt Liz.  It’s a secret.”  Barbara wasn't going to say anything else.  She knew she was in trouble already.  

    Like I said, Aunt Liz should've been a cop.  She gave Barbara another squeeze and kept hammering away at her.  “Yes, Princess, I’m sure it's very nice.  But, of course, you’re going to do something extra, extra special.”

    Thinking she had an answer that couldn't get her into any further trouble, Barbara relaxed and added, “I’m gonna wrap it, too.  I’m drawing big roses all over a piece of looseleaf.   Red ones and pink ones and-”   

    Aunt Liz didn’t want to hear about roses on looseleaf.  She wanted to make sure we were doing Mother's Day right.  I had to admire her technique.  Aunt Liz gave Barbara a quick peck and squeeze before she went back to her cross examination.
    “I could eat you up.  But you kids and your Pop are going to do something together to show your Ma how much you love her.”  

    “Something with Pop?”  

    “Yes, Sweetie, something with your Pop.”  Barbara knew Pop wasn’t going to do any such thing.  He never had and he never would.  Barbara just smiled and backed away, slowly.

    Thinking Barbara was just being shy, Liz turned to me and said, “And Tina, Sweetie, you’ll have more money to get something extra nice for your Ma this Mother’s Day.” 

    Knowing the kind of reaction I was going to get, I didn't plan to waste any money.  “I’m making something, Aunt Liz.  It’s a surprise,” I muttered.

    Ignoring our lack of enthusiasm, Liz continued, “That’s lovely.  Sweetheart, of course, you’re also doing something extra with your Pop?” 

    Yeah, right.  That would be the day.  

Can't Buy Me Love (part 4 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Ma gave me one of her 'Don't Lie to Me' looks.  I gave her one of my super innocent 'What, Who Me?' looks.  Satisfied that she was still in charge, Ma went back to being the good Maltese hostess.  She just wanted to clear the table in peace and bring another damn holiday to an end.  Without a major blowup.  

    This was turning into a really nice Easter.  I was going to be able to earn money to go to the Beatles concert and marry George Harrison.  Ma was happy with the idea that Mother’s Day was a holiday with no extra cooking.  That was enough for her.  But Aunt Liz wouldn’t let her get off so easily. 

    “Annie, you do know about Mother’s Day, don’t you?  In May?”

    “Sure, sure.  Mother’s Day.  Special.  In May,”  Ma said as she carried the loaded tray to the kitchen.

    Not missing a stitch, Aunt Demi muttered, “Hmmph...  We came to this country.  We have to pay taxes.  Alright.  We don’t have to have more holidays.”

    Ignoring Aunt Demi, Aunt Liz decided to make sure we were celebrating holidays like real Americans.  She thought she'd get the truth from my kid sister.  

    “Barbara, Sweetie, you’re too little to treat your Mom to a fabulous Mother’s Day Brunch at the Club Safari.  But, of course, you’ll do something extra special to show your Mom how much you love her.”

    “I’m making something at school, Aunt Liz.  It’s a secret,”  Barbara announced proudly.

    Yeah, Barbara was still a kid.  She didn’t realize that Ma would react to her gift the same way as she did the year before.  With total indifference.

    “Oh, you can tell me,” Liz said and gave Barbara a hug.   

    When Ma returned and saw Liz questioning Barbara, she was terrified. 

Can't Buy Me Love (part 3 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    This was something new.  Parenting was Ma and Pop's duet.  Ma wasn’t expecting Liz, her new sister-in-law, to join their act and make it a trio.  Aunt Liz continued with my job interview.    

    “Can you type, Sweetie?”  

    “Sure, Aunt Liz.” 

    Annoyed that I actually had a skill, Ma scrambled for something to end my blossoming typist career.  “Tina, you have homework.  You don’t have time to waste.” 

    I was determined to become a typist.  “Ma, ple - ease?”

    Liz added what she thought was the deal maker.  “It’s real work experience.”

    Aunt Demi wasn't impressed with my career choice.  Crocheting furiously, she muttered, “She’s going to earn money to waste it.  Netta, you want her to do that?”

    Ma quickly glared at Aunt Demi.  Now it was becoming a quartet?  Annoyed at yet another relative involving herself in what Ma considered to be strictly her own business, Ma glanced at her new sister-in-law.  Then she looked at me and said, “Hmm...  When you see how hard it is to earn money, maybe you won’t be so eager to waste it.  Alright.” 

    I couldn't believe how well this was working out.  “Thanks, Ma.  When do I start, Aunt Liz?”

    “This week.  Sweetie, after you buy that ticket, be sure to put what’s left in the bank.”  Ma nodded.  Aunt Liz smiled at Ma.  Returning to me, Aunt Liz said, “We’ll expect you to do a neat job.  We have to be able to count on you.  You have to do the work every week.”   

    I was willing to clean Aunt Liz's house.  Heck, I would wax the bowling alley.  “I will.”

    Ma reasserted her authority.  “Don’t forget your homework.”

    “I won’t.” 

Can't Buy Me Love (part 2 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    Yeah, right.  As if I didn’t know what that meant.  

    My parents had it down to a regular routine.  Pop knew that we children were his wife’s responsibility.  When he was being asked to give a second opinion on any child rearing matters, Pop knew he was expected to say "No".  A "Yes" answer from Pop was a definite no-no.  Ma knew that.  Pop knew that.  And I sure knew that.    

    Their ‘Ask your Pop’ routine had kept me from other forbidden American pleasures, such as peanut butter and bubble gum.  But this was important.  I had a plan.  

    Desperate for Nadia to straighten my hair and save me from spinsterhood by getting me married to George Harrison, I forged ahead.  “Uncle Des gave Nadia money for her ticket.  I’ll need-”

    Ma cut me short.  “We don’t have money to waste.”

    I went to plan B.  “Can I do some chores, earn some extra?”

    Ma looked at me as if I had beetles crawling on my head.  “You expect me to pay you for helping in your own home?  You saw those...  bugs on Ed Sullivan.  You don’t need to go.”

    Thinking that a lack of money was the actual problem, Liz tried to help.  “That reminds me...  If it’s alright with you, Annie...  We need to hire someone to type our bowling league’s scores.  We can pay Tina.” 

Can't Buy Me Love (part 1 - by Margaret Ullrich)

    When I carried a chair into the kitchen, Ma asked, “Who was on the phone?”  

    “Nadia,” I mumbled.  As if she didn't know.

    Ma sighed.  “You two will be deaf.”  Ma followed me to the dining room to see if there were any nuts left for the men to eat.

    I didn't just have nuts on my mind.  “Ma, this is important.  The Beatles-”

    “What?  We have bugs?”

    “No, Ma.  THE BEATLES."  God, sometimes she could be so dense.  I spoke slowly, "We saw them on Ed Sullivan.” 

    Aunt Demi snorted.  “Again this Ed Sullivan.”  

    Ma said, “We see a lot on Ed Sullivan...  How does that guy keep six dishes spinning at the same time?”

    I tried to keep Ma on topic.  “The Beatles are going to sing in Shea Stadium.”

    Ma didn’t understand.  “During a baseball game?”

    “No, Ma.  It’ll just be them singing.  That's not important.  Can I go with Nadia?”   

    Aunt Demi didn't like the sound of this.  She didn't think much of her brother Demi's wife or her whole nationality.  Aunt Demi had been in Malta during the Big One, and she still held a grudge against Italians.  She was crocheting real fast.  “Is Des or that wop... er... woman taking her?”

    I tried to impress Aunt Demi with Nadia's and my new found maturity.  “No.  Just the two of us.”

    Aunt Demi was shocked.  “Girls going out without a parent?  Hmmph.”

    Ma saw we were heading for trouble.  She took the easy way out.  “Ask your Pop.”