Irish Soda Bread, Irish Boxties, Colcannon, Mashed Potato Casserole, Onion Soup, Lamb Barley Soup, Irish Cream, Irish Fix and Irish Coffee l Don't Tell Me About St. Patrick by Margaret Ullrich

St. Patrick’s Day is on Tuesday.
Thursday, officially the first day of Spring, is also the feast of St. Joseph.
Do you ever wonder how St. Patrick and St. Joseph feel about their feast days always happening in Lent?
I mean, a feast is a feast, and that calls for a feast, not bread and water.
So here are a few dishes that should be okay either way.


I'm posting the Irish Soda Bread recipe that I clipped from The New York Daily News over sixty years ago. It is easy to make, doesn’t need special ingredients, and goes well with a corned beef and cabbage dinner, or anything else.  


Irish Cakes, known as Boxties, were created in the mid-nineteenth century when Ireland was being hit by the Great Famine, which was caused by a mildew that attacked potato crops. The poor potato crop led to the great migration of Irish to North America.
Boxty comes from the Irish aran bocht tí (poorhouse bread).
Yes, it’s always about food.


Irish coffee also has a bit of history.
San Francisco Chronicle columnist Stanton Delaplane was served one during a stop at Ireland’s Shannon Airport bar in 1952. Bartender Joe Sheridan had created the drink during World War II to greet weary American travellers arriving in the wee hours of the morning.
Irish people drank whiskey in tea, but Sheridan knew the Americans preferred coffee.
A smart businessman, Sheridan knew the customer was always right.

When Delaplane returned to San Francisco, he passed the recipe on to barman Jack Koeppler at the Buena Vista Cafe. Soon all of America learned of this drink. And the rest, as they say, is history. Irish coffee is always best served with a toast:

May you always have
Walls for the winds,
A roof for the rain,
Tea beside the fire,
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all your heart might desire!

Hints:

You can make a buttermilk substitute for baking.
Combine 1 tablespoon lemon juice or vinegar with 1 cup milk.
Let it sit for 2 minutes, stir and use.

About the Boxties…
Add a pinch of pepper, garlic or other spices - whatever you wish.

For breakfast you can butter each boxty and serve hot with or without sugar.
You can also serve crisp bacon with them and drizzle maple syrup over them.
You could top them with smoked salmon and crème fraîche.
Or serve them with wilted spinach and a poached egg.
You can use boxty as a pizza base with tomato and cheese.
You can also serve a boxty as a wrap for fajitas.
They also freeze well.

You could cook the batter like a dumpling (called hurleys) or bake it like a loaf.


About the Colcannon…
An old Irish Halloween tradition is to serve it with a ring and a thimble, or small coins, hidden in the dish. Do warn your guests before they tuck into their veggies.

If you have leftover shredded cabbage, heat a knob of butter and cook it for 5 minutes.
It should still be just a little crunchy.


About the Onion Soup…
You could use one pound each of red onions, sweet onions and yellow onions.
Or whatever assortment you have.
The soup can be prepared, cooled, then refrigerated up to 2 days.
When ready to serve, bring it to a boil, ladle into the bowls and continue.

If you want to omit the dry sherry, increase the beef broth to 7 1/4 cups.


About the Lamb Barley Soup…
If you have a lamb leg or chops dinner, save the bones. Place them in a large pot, cover with water, add a diced onion or two with a few bay leaves, and simmer for a few hours.
You can add an envelope of onion soup mix and a teaspoon or two of chilli powder.
Let the broth cool and then strain it.
Pick any meat off the bones and add the bits to the broth.

If you haven’t had lamb since last Easter, use broth or water.
Ground beef will work with beef or vegetable broth.
Ground chicken or turkey is good with chicken or vegetable broth.


About the Irish Cream…
Some people use coconut extract instead of the almond extract.
Always whip your heavy cream without sugar right before serving.

 

          Irish Soda Bread
          
Grease a cookie pan.         
Preheat oven to 375º  F        

Combine in a large bowl
3 Cups flour
3 Tablespoons sugar
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
                                                               1/2 teaspoon salt

Stir in
1/2 Cup currants or raisins
1 1/3 Cups buttermilk

Gently knead the dough on a floured board.
Shape into a round loaf and place on the prepared pan.
Cut a cross on top of the loaf.
Bake 45 minutes.

Place in a small bowl
2 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons hot water

Remove loaf from oven and brush with sugar glaze.
Return to oven and bake another 10 minutes.

 

          Irish Boxties

Makes 10 boxties
 
Peel
1 pound potatoes
Quarter half of the peeled potatoes and place them in a medium pot.
Boil prepared potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 to 20 minutes.
Drain all of the water from the potatoes and mash them.

While the potatoes are cooking, grate the remaining half of the potatoes into a large bowl.
Toss the grated potatoes with
1 1/2 Cups flour
Stir in the mashed potatoes.
Add
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
Combine
1 large egg, beaten
1 1/4 Cups buttermilk
Add to the potato mixture.
Mix well for 2 to 3 minutes.

Grease the skillet with either butter or oil.
Heat over medium heat.
Pour ladlefuls of the batter into the pan.
Spread them out into circles about 1/2 inch thick.
When the first side is golden brown, flip them to cook the other side.
Remove the cooked boxties and repeat with the remaining batter.
Serve hot with butter and honey.


                        Colcannon

Mince
3 green onions

Peel and quarter
2 pounds russet potatoes
Boil potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 to 20 minutes.

While the potatoes are boiling, shred
3 - 4 Cups cabbage
Blanch in boiling salted water for 2 - 3 minutes.
Drain and set aside.
Drain the potatoes, return to pot, and mash them.
Beat in
2/3 - 3/4 Cup light cream or milk
Add enough to make them smooth.
Place the pan over low heat.
Stir in
1/4 Cup butter or margarine
the blanched cabbage
the minced onion
Beat together until well blended.
Taste for seasoning and add salt and pepper if desired.
Serve hot.
Spoon out a portion to make a small indentation on top of each serving.
Add a pat of butter or margarine in the indentation.
Don’t mash it in, but dip a forkful of the potatoes into the melted butter.

 

          Mashed Potato Casserole

Serves 12

Peel and cube
5 large russet potatoes

Shred 6 Cups green cabbage

Boil prepared potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 to 20 minutes.

While the potatoes are cooking, place the shredded green cabbage in another pot of boiling salted water (about an inch). Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 6 minutes.
Drain and set aside.

When the potatoes are tender, drain and return the potatoes to the pot.
Place over low heat and shake, uncovered, for about 30 seconds to evaporate excess moisture. Remove from heat and mash the potatoes.

Add to the potatoes
4 ounces cream cheese, softened and cut into pieces
1 teaspoon salt
Mash until smooth.

Grease a large baking dish.
Preheated oven to 425º F

Fold in
1/2 Cup green onions, thinly sliced
the cooked cabbage
Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper.
Spread mixture in the greased baking dish.

Top with
1 Cup old cheddar cheese, grated
Bake casserole, uncovered, for 30 to 50 minutes.

 

          Onion Soup

Cut lengthwise in half, then crosswise into thin slices
3 pounds onions
 
Place in a dutch oven
2 Tablespoons butter
2 Tablespoons olive oil
Heat over medium heat and add
the sliced onions
Stirring frequently, cook 10 minutes. Lower the heat and, stirring occasionally, cook 40 minutes until the onions are golden brown.
Add
2 teaspoons thyme
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 Cup dry sherry
Cook and stir on medium high heat 1 minute.
Add
7 Cups beef broth
2 Tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce
1 Tablespoon vinegar
2 bay leaves
Stirring occasionally, bring to a boil.
Cover, reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Remove the bay leaves.

While the soup is simmering, toast
16 French bread or baguette slices (1/2 inch thick)

Heat the broiler.
Ladle soup into 8 ovenproof bowls.
Top with
the toasted bread slices
1 1/2 to 2 Cups shredded Swiss cheese
Broil, 4 inches from heat, 3 to 5  minutes, or until the cheese is golden brown.
Serve with a mixed green salad and crusty rolls or bread.


                        Lamb Barley Soup

Finely chop
2 medium onions
4 medium carrots
 
Place in a large pot
1 pound ground lamb  
the chopped onion
Heat over medium-high heat and stir until the meat is evenly browned and the onions are translucent. Discard any excess grease.
Stir in
1 28 ounce can diced tomatoes, undrained
6 Cups lamb broth
1 can condensed tomato soup
the chopped carrots  
1 Cup barley 
1 1/2 teaspoons rosemary
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika  
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
Cover and simmer over medium heat for 45 minutes.

            Irish Cream

Place in a blender
1 cup heavy cream
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 2/3 Cups Irish whiskey
2 teaspoons instant coffee granules
2 Tablespoons chocolate syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon almond extract
Blend for 20 to 30 seconds.
Pour into a jar that has a tight lid.
Store in the refrigerator for 8 hours.
Shake well before serving.
Serve over cracked ice.
Add
a dollop of whipped cream (optional)

                        Irish Fix

Place in a chilled highball glass
1 teaspoon simple sugar syrup
2 ounces Irish whiskey
1/2 ounce lemon juice
Fill with cracked ice and stir well.
Garnish with
1 thin lime slice
1 thin orange slice
Float on top
2 teaspoons Irish Mist (a honey liqueur)

        Irish Coffee

Place in a small saucepan
12 ounces brewed coffee
4 teaspoons sugar
Stirring occasionally, set over low heat until the mixture is hot but not boiling.

Pour 6 ounces hot coffee into each of two 8-ounce heatproof glasses or mugs.
Add to each serving
1 1⁄2 ounces Irish whiskey
Top with whipped cream.
                                                        Garnish with mint leaves (optional)
Enjoy while it is piping hot.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


                                                          ~~~

Years ago I wrote for and told my stories on the CKUW radio show ‘2000 & Counting’.
Here’s one I wrote for St. Patrick’s Day…

Remember how we were all gaga about the dawning of the Age of Aquarius?  

I mean, even if you didn't know enough Astrology to know your own sign - let alone what house you were mooning - you couldn't avoid Hair, the song, play or movie.  And everybody saw the 5th Dimension on The Ed Sullivan Show.  Remember how they just stood there, swaying and singing When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will fill the stars?  

Ok, Janet Jackson it wasn't.

So who are Aquarians? 
Kim Novak, Vanessa Redgrave, Jeanne Moreau, Mia Farrow, Carmen Miranda and, the comeback king, John Travolta.  We're talking a major sign here.

Some people poo poo all this but I think we'd better start paying attention.  This is a new millennium and cosmic forces are just itching to find any teeny tiny hole where they can get a toehold to shake things up on dear old planet earth.  

No kidding.


Take St. Patrick's Day.  I'm from New York where St. Patrick's was like Christmas.  Everybody - no matter where they came from - sat down to a corned beef and cabbage dinner on March 17. 
Hey, nobody was dumb enough to not notice all the Irish cops, carrying billy clubs, pounding down Fifth Avenue in the St. Patrick's Day Parade.  

Trust me, you didn't want to make a New York cop mad.

For decades I used an Irish Soda Bread recipe that I'd clipped from The New York Daily News.  
Then, like everybody else, I discovered Martha.  Ok, she's Polish, but she had a humdinger of a recipe.  I watched her teach it to some Irish lady who said, Faith and beggorah!  'Tis better than me own sainted Mum's recipe. 

When I heard the 'Tis word, I was hooked.  

I downloaded the recipe from Martha's website and everything went tickety boo.
Until Martha got convicted.
Well, that shook everybody up.  
Her stock took a tumble and you could've shot a cannon through the department store aisles where her household items were gathering dust.  
Frugal housewives were clipping Martha Stewart labels from towels and sheets.  

With visions of mad cops marching in my head, I thought it wouldn't be kosher to whip up a loaf of Martha's Irish Soda Bread.  
Back to the computer.

There's lots of stuff about Ireland on the internet.  
Did you know that corned beef is not the national dish?  It was eaten as a last resort during hard times.  
Irish coffee was the invention of the Buena Vista Cafe in San Francisco.  
When Irish Eyes are Smiling is an American song.  
And many Irish people consider green to be an unlucky color.
    
Finally I found The Traditional Irish Soda Bread Recipe and double clicked.  

Now how was I supposed to know the cosmic forces that click would unleash?  
Before you could say Faith and beggorah, my computer started to glow, I heard a banshee wail and my printer took on a life of its own printing sheets of I didn't know what.  

Odd characters strolled around my room.  They looked like a touring company of The Lord of Rings.  Some were chanting, some were crying and some were doing tai chi.  

This was not a good thing.
     
Enough was enough.  I pressed the option and command keys, made the sign of the cross and punched the escape key.  
It worked.  
iMac 1, Druids 0.
The pages were all over the floor.  
Seems somebody is holding a cosmic grudge.  

According to legend, St. Patrick put a curse on venomous snakes in Ireland.  Then he drove all the snakes into the sea.  
Well, according to my visiting Hobbits, the snakes were a popular tourist attraction, their version of Manitoba's Narcisse Wildlife Management Area.  

You've heard of Narcisse, where thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from the limestone sinkholes in late April and tangle in a mating ritual for three weeks.  Ok, it's not Disneyland, but tourists come and spend and that's always a good thing.  
Why wreck a nice little cottage industry?  
Why, indeed.  
I guess history rewrites by the winner is not a new thing.

Oh, among the pages was a recipe for traditional Irish Soda Bread.  
I don't think I'll try it.  
No, the corned beef and cabbage is enough.  
I don't need the bread.  

Hmm... the Atkins diet, which cuts out bread, is sure popular in the Age of Aquarius.  

Coincidence?  
I think not.

Anna Sultana’s Centrepiece Easter Bread / Anise Seed Easter Bread / No-Rise Easter Bread / Small Easter Nests l A Traditional Family Easter by Margaret Ullrich

Oh, my! February is almost over!
It seems the older I get, the faster the time goes.
I mean… wasn’t Christmas just last week?

Okay, it’s time to get serious about time.
This year Easter is on April fifth.
That’s five weeks… 35 days… 840 hours… 50,400 minutes from now.
You get the picture.
If you’re over 75, like me, it means that in two weeks, oh lucky us, we have to be ready for another holiday.
At least that’s how it will seem.

Let’s take this ‘holiday’ in small steps.
What’s the bare minimum we can get away with without getting major complaints?

I’m not going to get into the Spring Cleaning to do lists.
Nobody notices that, anyway.
But the dinner is a whole other story.

Family holiday dinners change over the years.
Tradition gives way to schedule conflicts, problems in the supply chain, rising prices, dietary restrictions and changing appetites.
And don’t get me started on vegetarians.

Bread, in moderation, is usually a safe holiday item.
A dietary staple, reasonably priced and good as a leftover.
So, let’s start with the fancy Easter bread.

Back in the 1970s we were into baking - breads, buns, you name it.
Like we didn’t trust the local stores’ bakers or the big bread companies anymore.
The sourdough craze during Covid was a blast from the past.
Well, it kept us busy when we were stuck at home.

If the bread baking bug is out of your system, and you don’t want to buy yeast that’s just going to age in place, the No-Rise Easter Bread uses baking powder and isn't kneaded.
Your guests won’t know the difference.
It’ll be our secret.


Hints:

When using a recipe that calls for zest you could place the zest in a separate bowl and add some of the sugar called for in the recipe. Rub the zest into the sugar to release the oils, then continue to follow the recipe.

Check the ‘best before’ date of the yeast. If there's no foam it won’t do anything.

Twist each piece gently but firmly to give the wreaths that braid shape.
You could also divide each rope into two, then twist each pair of ropes together before forming a ring. Pinch the ends to seal.

The uncooked eggs will cook through and be safe to eat.
You could also sprinkle slivered almonds on top before baking.

The breads can be eaten as is, or lightly toasted and served with butter or jam.

About the Anise Seed Easter Bread…
You could also add 1 teaspoon lemon zest or 1/2 teaspoon almond extract.
Golden raisins, about a half cup, would also be a nice addition.

This loaf is open to suggestions when it comes to form.
You could make a wreath and decorate it with 6 dyed uncooked eggs.
Or you could go creative and make a dove, or a cross or even a mermaid.


About the No-Rise Easter Bread…
If the yeast didn’t foam this is perfect for a plan B.

You can also stir in the ‘3 dry and 2 liquid additions’ instead of using the mixer.


About the Sweet Easter Twists…
You could add 1/2 to 1 teaspoon cinnamon or 1 teaspoon orange zest to the dough.

For a holiday look, place a dyed raw egg in the centre of the wreath before the final rising.

 

                     Centrepiece Easter Bread

Makes 3 large or 6 small wreaths

Line 3 cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Have on hand 3 to 6 dyed uncooked eggs

Place in a small bowl
1/4 Cup warm water (about 110° F)
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 teaspoon sugar
                                                               Stir and let sit 5 to 10 minutes, until it foams.

Place in a large bowl
5 Tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1/2 Cup whole milk, warmed
1/3 Cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 - 1 teaspoon anise extract (optional)
1/2 teaspoon salt
Blend together until well combined.
Beat in, one at a time
3 large eggs
Stir in the proofed yeast mixture.
Gradually add, 1 cup at a time
3 1/2 - 4 Cups flour
Stir until a soft dough forms.
Place dough on floured surface and knead for 8 to 10 minutes, until it is smooth and elastic.
Place dough in a greased bowl, cover, and let rise in a warm place 1 1/2 - 2 hours, until doubled.
Punch down dough and divide into 6 pieces.
Roll each piece into a rope.
Twist two ropes together and form into a braided circle, pinching ends to seal.
Place on parchment-lined baking sheet.
Insert dyed raw eggs on the surface of each wreath.
Cover and let rise in a warm place 30 to 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Place in a cup
1 large egg
Beat until well blended.

Brush loaves with beaten egg.
Sprinkle with
Sugar sprinkles (nonpareils)
Bake 20 to 25 minutes, until golden.
Let cool and serve.


                                                               Anise Seed Easter Bread

Makes 1 large loaf

Line 1 cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Place in a small bowl
1/4 Cup warm water (about 110°F)
1 Tablespoon sugar
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
Stir and let sit 5 to 10 minutes, until it foams.

Place in a large bowl
4 Cups flour
1/2 Cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 –  2 Tablespoons anise seeds (or fennel seeds)
Whisk together and make a well in the centre.
Add
the yeast mixture
1/2 Cup unsalted butter, melted
3 large eggs
3/4 Cup warm milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
Stir until a soft dough forms.
Place dough on floured surface and knead for 5 to 7 minutes, until it is smooth and elastic. Add more flour if needed.
Place dough in a greased bowl, cover, and let rise in a warm place 1 - 2 hours, until doubled.
Punch down dough. Shape into a braided loaf or your chosen Easter shape.
Place on parchment-lined baking sheet.
Cover and let rise in a warm place 30 to 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Place in a cup
1 large egg
Beat until well blended.

Brush loaves with beaten egg.
Sprinkle with
Sugar sprinkles (nonpareils)
Bake 25 to 30 minutes, until golden.
Let cool.

Glaze (optional)
Place in a small bowl
1 Cup confectioners sugar
1 – 2 Tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon lemon or orange extract
Stir to make a smooth glaze and drizzle over bread.

                     No-Rise Easter Bread

Makes 2 large braided rounds

Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Peel zest from an orange, chop, and set aside.

Place in a large bowl
6 Cups flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
Whisk together and set aside.

Place in a stand mixer bowl
3/4 Cup shortening
1 1/2 Cups sugar
Beat together until light and fluffy.
Add, one at a time, beating after each addition
3 large eggs
2 egg yolks
Stir in
1 Cup ricotta cheese (or cottage cheese)
1 teaspoon orange extract
the orange zest

On low speed, making 3 dry and 2 liquid additions, add
the flour mixture
1/2 Cup milk
Blend until a soft dough forms.
Dust work surface lightly with flour.
Divide dough in half, then each half into 3 pieces.
Roll each piece into an 16 inch rope.
Braid 3 ropes together, then form into a wreath, tucking the ends under to secure.
Place on parchment lined baking sheet.
Repeat with remaining dough.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Bake 30 to 40 minutes, until golden.
Cool completely.

Place in a small bowl
1 1/2 Cups confectioners sugar
3 Tablespoons milk
1/2 teaspoon orange extract
Stir together to form a smooth glaze.
Drizzle glaze over cooled loaves.
Sprinkle with
Sugar sprinkles (nonpareils)

 

                     Small Easter Nests

Makes 6 small wreaths

Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Have on hand 6 dyed uncooked eggs

Peel zest from an orange or lemon, chop, and set aside.

Place in a small bowl
1/4 Cup warm milk (about 110°F)
1 Tablespoon sugar
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
Stir and let sit 5 to 10 minutes, until it foams.

Place in a large bowl
2 1/2 – 3 Cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 Cup minus 1 Tablespoon sugar
Whisk together.
Add
2 Tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon almond extract (optional)
the lemon or orange zest
1/4 Cup plain Greek yogurt or sour cream
Stir until a soft dough forms.
Place dough on floured surface and knead for 7 to 8 minutes, until it is smooth and elastic. Add more flour if needed.
Place dough in a greased bowl, cover, and let rise in a warm place 1 1/2 - 2 hours, until doubled.
Punch down dough and divide into 12 pieces.
Roll each piece into a 6 inch rope.
Twist two ropes together and form into a braided circle, pinching ends to seal.
Place on parchment-lined baking sheet.
Place a dyed raw egg in the centre of each wreath.
Cover and let rise in a warm place 30 to 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Place in a cup
1 large egg
Beat until well blended.

Brush loaves with beaten egg.
Sprinkle with
Sugar sprinkles (nonpareils)
Bake 20 to 25 minutes, until golden.
Let cool and serve.

                                                          ~~~

I had originally written the following story when I was one of the co-hosts of the CKUW radio show ‘2000 & Counting’.

In 2007 it was included in 'A/cross sections : new Manitoba writing', an anthology edited by Katharine Bitney and Andris Taskans, and published by the Manitoba Writers Guild. 
It is still in the Winnipeg library system, adult nonfiction section. Check it out. It has lots of stories and poems by many Manitoba writers. (In my profile picture, taken at McNally Robinson Booksellers, it's in the left top corner.)

Why am I always writing about food?


                                        A Traditional Family Easter

    I made a loaf of soda bread to serve with the corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day.  I don’t know why I did it.  I’m Maltese.  My husband is German/Swedish.  Not a single Irish person among our ancestors.  Then, on March nineteenth, I made a lasagna and cream puffs for St. Joseph.  I’d be twenty pounds lighter if I just ignored holidays.

    Yeah, right, like that’ll ever happen.     

    I’m a sucker for holiday traditions.  And, just like Christmas, Lent and Easter are loaded with holiday traditions.  Lent is the time to really clean the house.  Ah, spring cleaning.  Scrub and wax the floors, wash the windows and launder the curtains.  Everything from cellar to attic is glowing.  After being sealed in tighter than a drum all winter who could argue with giving the house a good cleaning?

    Lent is also a time to cut back on the calories.  Let’s be honest.  Who doesn’t want to drop the pounds gained during December?  Between the fasting and the exercise we get from cleaning house, we’re almost able to fit into the clothes we wore before Christmas.  Alleluia!!  Religion can be good for the body as well as the soul.  

    And then there’s Easter, when Christians celebrate Christ’s Resurrection.  We attend church in new outfits.  Little boys in little suits and little girls in fluffy dresses and shiny white patent leather shoes make families look like Hallmark cards.  

    Easter has more customs than the Bunny has eggs.  A popular tradition is to gather together and share a feast.  Over the centuries women have made this a glorious occasion with beautifully decorated eggs, colourful coffee cakes and traditional breads.

    According to tradition, an angel appeared to Mary to tell her that Jesus would arise on Easter.  To show her joy, Mary baked bread to share with her friends.  And to make the loaf more special, she put an egg, a symbol of life, on the top.  Now, I have to admit I don’t know what I’d do if someone told me that a recently deceased relative was rising from the dead.  I guess baking bread is as good a thing to do as any.  The only problem is that over the past two millennia something got lost in translation as that bread recipe went from country to country.

    And that’s when Easter went to hell in a bread basket.

    During my earliest years in Corona, a small town in Queens, New York, Easter was Italian. Palm Sunday was the Day of the Olive.   Small blessed olive branches were offered as tokens of peacemaking. For Easter breakfast we had Colomba di Pasqua. Colomba is bread shaped to look like a dove, the symbol of peace, and covered with almond paste and almonds. An Italian Easter dinner also had traditions. First we had manicotti. That was followed by a roasted whole baby lamb with a mixed salad, sauteed spinach and roasted artichokes. For dessert there were cream tarts, cookies, spumoni, nuts and roasted chestnuts. The adults had coffee.

    Then my parents moved to College Point, another small town in Queens, which had been settled by Irish and German families.  They had their own Easter customs.  Since Easter was not as commercial as Christmas, no one noticed when we followed our own customs.


    When I was seven I had to follow what Ma told me were the Church’s rules during Lent.  I ate kwarezimal, an almond cookie that was topped with honey and chopped pistachio nuts.  Ma said we could eat it during Lent because it didn’t have any fat or eggs.  For Maundy Thursday Ma baked bread in the form of a ring.  Its top was crusted with sesame seeds and pierced with roasted almonds.  Our Easter dinner menu was the same as it had been in Corona.  But, instead of making a Colomba di Pasqua, Ma baked a figolli, a Maltese sweet bread with a marzipan filling.  

    A figolli was harder to make than a colomba.  The dough was rolled about one centimeter thick.  Then Ma cut the dough into pairs of figolla with a figolla cutter.  They looked like a large letter J, but the stick part ended in a fish’s tail.  On one side of a figolla Ma spread jam and marzipan.  Then she covered it with the identical shape, as if she was making a sandwich.  After the figolli had been baked and cooled, they were covered with colored icing and piped royal icing.  Then a decorated Easter egg was placed on top of each figolli.  For the final touch a cardboard woman’s face was inserted into the mound of the J.  

    The odd thing about Ma’s traditional figolli was that it was a mermaid.  I asked Ma why a mermaid and not a dove.  She said, “I don’t know.  It’s our tradition.”  

    Well, you can’t argue with tradition.


    In College Point, as Easter approached, the bakeries filled with cross buns, pretzels, braided almond loaves, Easter cookies and marzipan treats.  There were also large decorated sugar Easter eggs which had a hole in one end.  When we looked into the hole we could see tiny bunny villages.  There were also hot cross buns.  Ma knew about the cross buns.  Since Malta was part of the British Empire, Ma had eaten them in Malta, too.      

    We brought samples of our mothers’ holiday baking to school.  There were lots of pretzels.  Since they didn’t have fat or eggs, we could eat them during Lent without risking eternal damnation.  I liked the braided loaves which had been covered with almond paste.  They reminded me of Colomba di Pasqua.  I brought some kwarezimal to school.  After I explained that the almond cookies didn’t have fat or eggs either, my friends agreed to try them.  


    Easter for my family was a simple celebration.  We went to church, wished everyone a “Happy Easter”, went home and ate our traditional foods.  There weren’t any problems until the year Ma’s brother Charlie married an American girl.  Aunt Liz wanted to learn more about Maltese customs.  Ma invited Charlie and Liz for Easter.  

    Pop told his oldest sister, Aunt Demi, that we had invited Charlie and Liz.  Aunt Demi was worried that our branch of the family was becoming too American.  So, Aunt Demi decided that she would come to dinner to make sure that Ma kept everything kosher.  

    Then Aunt Rita, one of my Sicilian Aunts, heard that we were inviting company for Easter.  Aunt Rita always took things personally.  She was insulted.  Why hadn’t she been invited, too?  Ma invited Aunt Rita, Uncle Tony and their children.  We had enough folding tables and chairs to seat everyone in the yard.  As long as it didn’t rain, Ma thought it would be a nice family dinner.

    Easter Sunday morning the sun was shining and the lamb was roasting on a spit in our yard.  The tables had been set.  Aunt Liz was taking notes and learning recipes.  She had brought a dozen cross buns and a jello mold.  The only thing missing was the centrepiece.  Aunt Demi had told Ma that she would bring a proper figolli.  

    It was the biggest figolli I’d ever seen.  The icing was as thick as my thumb.  While Aunt Demi was placing the Easter egg on her mermaid, Aunt Rita marched in and pulled a Colomba di Pasqua out of her tote bag.  The colomba had a three-foot wingspan.  There was barely room enough for one centrepiece.  

    Fish or fowl, which would Ma use?

    After forty days of fasting and scrubbing, Demi and Rita were lean, clean, Easter tradition machines.  Filled with the holiday spirit, they glared at each other.

    “What the hell is that?”  Aunt Demi spat.
    “It’s a dove, a symbol of peace, you idiot,” Aunt Rita shot back.  
    “It’s Easter.  We don’t need a damn dove.”
    “Throw that fish back in the sea.”  
    “The figolli is part of our tradition.”
    “Since when did Jesus swim with the fishes?”
    Waving a knife, Aunt Demi lunged.  “Give me that bread.  I’ll cut it up for sandwiches.”
    “Over my dead body.”
    “No problem.”

    My Aunt Liz was fascinated by her new in-laws.  She wrote down everything they said.  Maybe she thought the fight was part of our jolly ethnic holiday tradition.  I stayed close to Liz in case she didn’t have sense enough to duck.  

    Ma went back to the kitchen.  She knew she couldn’t reason with her sisters-in-law.  Her plan was to hide in the kitchen until the smoke cleared.  If they killed each other it would leave more food for the others.

    “Maria, get out here,” Aunt Demi yelled.  Ma came out.  The men and the younger children were nowhere in sight.  They were taking a walk to work up an appetite.  Demi and Rita were rolling up their sleeves.  Liz was taking notes.  
    “I went to all this trouble,” Aunt Rita whined.
    Aunt Demi barked, “Tell this idiot we are using the figolli.”
    “It took me forever to make this,” Aunt Rita whined again.
    Ma tried to be a good hostess.  “They’re so big.  We could put them on chairs near the table.”

    No luck.  The Aunts wanted her to choose one.
   Aunt Demi announced, “We are having a traditional Maltese Easter dinner.  With a traditional figolli.”
    “Do you think our Blessed Mother baked a mermaid?” Aunt Rita sneered. 
    Demi lunged.  Liz wrote.  

    The lamb was ready.  If this dragged on much longer it would be a lump of coal. 

    Ma sighed, glared at her sisters-in-law and said, “I don’t care if our Blessed Mother made hot dogs and beans. I’m tired of cleaning. I’m tired of baking. I’m tired of the whole damn holiday.

    And I’m tired of bread. A few days ago I gave a figolli to a friend who lives down the street. Yesterday she came over and gave me a loaf of challah. So I have another traditional bread from Mrs. Cohen… Mrs. Cohen. That’s it!!”

    Without saying another word Ma turned and went back to the kitchen.  In a few minutes she returned with the glossy braided challah on the platter. 

    “Our Blessed Mother was a Jew.  She would’ve made a challah.  And that’s what we’re having for Easter.  It’s traditional.  Shut up, sit down and eat.”

    And, so saying, Ma started our traditional Easter Dinner.

Anna Sultana’s Ricotta Pie, Tart Ricotta Pie, Cannoli Pie with Sugar Cone Crust, Cannoli Cake, Cannoli Cookies / Would Santa Ever Find Me? by Margaret Ullrich

It's December 21st, the first day of winter.
This past week we’ve had two snowstorms, and, with the winds, we had white outs.
The weather was so bad that the buses couldn’t run and they had to shut down the schools.
In Manitoba the ‘first day of winter’ bit just gets an eye roll.
Like, it’s December, put on your toque and get your shovel.

No matter the weather, the holiday season is here.
All together now: Tradition... Tradition...
I know that most of the time everyone just does what they have - or want - to do.
But  the holiday season has rules - I mean, traditions - that must be followed.
Yippee kay yoh kay yay!


My Christmas traditions are Maltese and Italian.
Whether we were visiting Sicilian relative or eating at home we always had Ricotta Pie and fresh - practically made-to-order - Cannoli for Christmas.

Ricotta Pie is very simple to make and can be served for a light brunch any time of the year.

If you’re not Italian, cannoli is a tube-shaped dessert made of fried pastry dough filled with a sweet cheese, usually ricotta, filling.
Traditional Italian bakers fill the tube just before serving to keep the tube crisp.
Leftovers have to be refrigerated.
But after a day the shell gets soft and the cannoli just isn’t as good.
That’s why my mother and aunts started using the filling in pies and cakes and cookies.

If you're not interested in frying pastry dough while everyone is having fun around the tree, these recipes are fine cannoli substitutes.

Merry Christmas!!


Hints:

For a smooth texture, drain ricotta for at least an hour in a cheesecloth lined strainer, and have it at room temperature before using.

The ricotta and cannoli pies and the cannoli cake should be refrigerated.
The cookies will be fine at room temperature.

Traditional Pie Crust:
Place in large bowl
4 Cups flour
1 1/2 Cups cold unsalted butter, cubed
Cut in butter.
Make a well in the centre and add
1 egg, beaten
1/2 Cup ice water
3 Tablespoons sour cream
1 Tablespoon vinegar
1 Tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
Stir together and form into 3 balls.
Roll out 1 ball slightly larger than a 9 inch pie plate.
Gently fit it in, crimp the edges, and trim excess.
Repeat with remaining 2 balls.


About the Cannoli Pie with Sugar Cone Crust…
To make it ahead replace the confectioner’s sugar with one can sweetened condensed milk and freeze overnight.
Let it sit for 15 to 20 minutes before slicing.


                                                     Ricotta Pie                                                              

Have prepared in 9 inch pie plate
1 pie crust

Place in a large bowl
2 Cups whole milk ricotta
Whisk until smooth.
Add
3/4 Cup sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
Zest of 1 lemon
1/4 teaspoon salt
Mix until creamy and fully combined.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Pour the filling into the pie crust and smooth the top.
Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, until the centre is set and the top is golden.
Let the pie cool completely on a wire rack.
Refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight.
Just before slicing, dust with
Confectioner’s sugar

                                                     Tart Ricotta Pie

Have prepared in 9 inch pie plate
1 pie crust

Place in a large bowl
1 Cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 Tablespoon vanilla
Whisk together until smooth, about 1 minute.
Add
2 Cups whole milk ricotta
1/4 Cup sour cream
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
Mix until well combined.
Stir in
1/4 Cup flour
Pinch of salt
Mix until no lumps remain.

Preheat oven to 350° F

Pour the filling into the pie crust and smooth the top.
Bake for 45 to 50 minutes, or until set and only slightly jiggly in the centre.
Cool completely at room temperature, then refrigerate for at least 2 (preferably 4) hours.
Before serving, dust top with
1 Tablespoon cinnamon


                                                     Cannoli Pie with Sugar Cone Crust

Preheat oven to 350° F 

Sugar Cone Pie Crust:
Crush 12 sugar cones to get 1 1/2 Cups of 1/4 inch bits and finer crumbs.
Add
4 Tablespoons butter, melted
Combine until blended.
Press crumbs into a 9 inch pie plate.
Bake for 5 minutes. Let cool completely.

Place in a large mixer bowl
2 1/2 Cups heavy cream
Whip to stiff peaks.
For the filling: measure out 2 cups and set aside.
For the topping: place the remainder in a bowl, cover, and refrigerate.

Place in the same large mixer bowl (you don’t need to wash it)
8 ounces mascarpone cheese, room temperature
4 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
Beat for 3 minutes.
Add
1 Cup Confectioner’s sugar
Beat until smooth.
Add
1 Cup ricotta cheese
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon orange zest
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
Beat 3 minutes.
Gently fold in the 2 Cups of whipped cream.
Pour into the cooled crust and smooth the top.

Whisk into the refrigerated whipped cream
3 Tablespoons Confectioner’s sugar
Pipe whipped cream around the edge of the pie.
Sprinkle with
1/3 Cup mini chocolate chips
1/3 Cup chopped pistachios
Refrigerate for at least 4 hours before serving.

                       Cannoli Cake

Preheat oven to 350° F
Grease and flour three 8 inch round cake pans.

Place in a medium bowl
2 1/2 Cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Whisk together.


Place in a large mixer bowl
1 Cup unsalted butter, softened
1 3/4 Cups sugar
Cream together until light and fluffy.
Beat in, one at a time
4 large eggs
Add
1 Tablespoon vanilla
Making 3 dry and 2 liquid additions, add
the flour mixture
1 Cup milk
Mix gently, just until combined.
Fold in
1/2 Cup mini chocolate chips
Divide batter evenly among prepared pans.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Let cool completely.

For the cake’s topping:
Place in a large mixer bowl
2 1/2 Cups heavy cream
Whip to stiff peaks.
Place in a bowl, cover, and refrigerate.

For decorating: (optional)
Place in a small mixer bowl
1/2 Cup heavy cream
Whip to stiff peaks.
Whisk in
1/2 Tablespoon Confectioner’s sugar
Cover and refrigerate.

Cannoli Filling:
Place in the same large mixer bowl (you don’t need to wash it)
1 1/2 Cups ricotta cheese
1 Cup mascarpone cheese
1 Cup Confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
Beat until smooth.
Layer the cake with half of cannoli filling between the layers.
Cover the top and sides with cake's topping whipped cream 

Pipe the cream for decorating around the edge of the cake. (optional)
Sprinkle over the top
1 Cup mini chocolate chips
                                                             

                       Cannoli Cookies

Preheat oven to 350° F
Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

Place in a medium bowl
1 3/4 Cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
Whisk together and set aside.

Place in a large mixer bowl
1/2 Cup unsalted butter, softened
1 Cup sugar
Cream until light and fluffy.
Add
1 Cup whole milk ricotta cheese
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
Mix until smooth.
Gradually stir in the flour mixture.
Fold in
1 Tablespoon orange zest
3/4 Cup mini chocolate chips
Place tablespoon-sized balls of dough on the baking sheets.
Bake for 12 to 14 minutes, or until the edges are just turning golden.

Place in small microwaveable bowl
1 Cup chocolate chips (your choice of sweetness)
Microwave until just melted.

After cookies have cooled completely, dust with
Confectioner’s sugar
Drizzle with
Melted chocolate
Store them in a tin that’s been lined with wax paper.

                                                                  ~~~

 

In 2004 I wrote this story for our CKUW radio show '2000 & Counting - Older & Wiser'. 

For a while it was our annual tradition.

I got a few e mails asking if I could post the original story. 


Here it is.

If you'd like to try some of the recipes, I've posted many of them. Just copy the name and paste it in the 'looking for a recipe' box.

 

Change follows us from the cradle to the grave. When I was five years old I was hit with a megadose of change. I moved to another town, got a baby sister, got to go to kindergarten and got Santa Claus. 
 


Five years earlier my parents and I had emigrated from Malta to New York and settled in Corona. We didn't have much choice. Five of Pop's brothers and sisters lived in Corona. So, we had to live in Corona, too. 
 


Corona was a little slice of Italy on Long Island. The store clerks were bilingual: English and Italian. The grocery stores in Corona were stocked with Italian necessities. Almost everything in all the other stores had been imported from Italy. 
Corona was where we learned how to be Americans. 
 


Nonni's children, Betty and Angelo, had married two of Pop's siblings, Joe and Helen. So, Nonni was a double Grandma in my family. Since all my grandparents were in Malta, Nonni treated me as a grandchild, too. 
 


Every Christmas Eve we gathered at Uncle Joe and Aunt Betty's home. A whole corner of their living room was filled with Nonni's manger scene. It was not just a shed with Mary, Joseph, three kings and one shepherd standing around Baby Jesus. Nonni had a complete village with houses, trees, hills, paths, ponds and animals. There were people walking around just minding their own business. Some of the figures were really old and we couldn't play with them.

But each year Nonni added something new: a woman carrying a basket of eggs, a farmer carrying a head of cabbage, a man carrying a bundle of wood. Nonni’s manger scene was better than any store window on 5th Avenue in Manhattan.

Dinner was a feast. Fish was traditional: eel for the parents, bluefish for the children. There was also soup, pasta and vegetables, followed by ricotta pie, anise biscotti, pizzelle and cuccidati cookies, strufoli, creamy roasted chestnuts and torrone candy. My favourite was the huge golden mound of strufoli: tiny doughnut balls covered with honey and multi-coloured sprinkles. 

After dinner we played games and our parents talked until it was time to walk to the Midnight Mass at St. Leo's. After Mass we returned to Uncle Joe's for some panettone, a holiday bread made with butter, raisins, almonds and citron. 



Then Nonni would tell us to look at the manger scene for the surprise. The blessed Bambino, Baby Jesus, had suddenly appeared!



Christmas Eve was a wonderful night. But the big day for us children was January sixth. The night before we had hung our stockings and waited for La Befana to bring us toys. 



La Befana was a little old lady who had been sweeping her house when the Wise Men knocked on her door. They were looking for Baby Jesus and asked La Befana for directions. Then they invited La Befana to join them. 

The old woman refused, saying she had work to do. 
 


When it was dark, a great light and angels appeared in the sky. La Befana realized that the Wise Men weren't kidding about somebody special being born that night. Broom in hand, La Befana tried to catch up with the Wise Men. She never found them or Baby Jesus. 

Every year she searches for Baby Jesus and leaves presents for good little boys and girls. 




La Befana took care of me for four years. Then we moved to College Point so we could live closer to Lily Tulip where Pop worked. Then it was time for my sister to be born. While Ma was in the hospital I stayed with Aunt Betty, Uncle Joe and their two daughters. It was nice living in Corona again. The next day, Nonni took me to the local 5 and 10 and gave me a quarter. 
 


"Buy for sister."

I didn't know what a baby sister would want. I liked westerns, so I grabbed a toy gun. 

"No. Buy a rattle." 

A rattle? That sounded boring, but I bought a pink plastic rattle. 
 


In those days children were not allowed to visit anyone in the hospital. When Aunt Betty visited Ma, she gave the rattle to my new sister. I waited outside the hospital and waved to the window of Ma's room. When Aunt Betty returned she had a gift from my new sister for me. Three pieces of chocolate. 


Well, wasn't that nice of her. Not as nice as a toy gun, but maybe that was all she could get from where she'd been. 
 




After Rose was born we didn't go to Corona as often. It was easier to walk to the local church instead of driving to St. Leo's. I missed seeing my family. 



That September I started kindergarten in St. Fidelis School. Some of the good sisters had wanted to travel and meet exotic heathens in far away places. Well, they almost got their wish. I was the first Maltese child they'd ever seen. College Point had been settled by Irish and German families. It was time for me to learn about America through their eyes. 
 


As Christmas approached, the windows of the German bakeries were filled with the most beautiful cookies I'd ever seen. They were in all kinds of shapes: stars, angels, animals and wreaths. They were decorated with coconut, jam, icing and tiny silver balls. 

Some of my classmates brought in samples of their mothers' baking. I brought some biscotti. My friends were polite and tasted the dry, double-baked bread. Then we ate the lebkuchen, pfeffernuesse, zimtsterne, and jam filled spitzbuben. The stollen reminded me of panettone. 
 


I thought a German Christmas was delicious. I planned to eat German and Italian holiday food every Christmas for the rest of my life. 
 


We helped Sister decorate the Christmas tree with sugar cookies which had been twisted into figure eights. Then Sister told us to gather around her. She was going to read us a story. Sister showed us the picture of Santa Claus and his eight reindeer. My friends were delighted. 



I was confused. 
 


I had never heard any of this before. Santa was supposed to slide down a chimney and land in a fireplace. 

We didn't have a fireplace. We had a huge, oil-burning furnace in the basement. Ma hung our stockings, along with all the other wet laundry, on a clothesline near the furnace. It made awful noises and had fire in it. If Santa landed in the furnace he'd fry like a strufoli. That would end Christmas forever. I didn't think Santa would take such a risk for a total stranger. The lovely cookies felt like lead in my stomach.



Sister talked about Santa checking his list of good little girls and boys. 

Santa had a list? I knew we were on the Registered Aliens list. Every January the TV reminded Ma to fill out green cards so we wouldn't go to jail or Malta. How could I get on Santa's list? Could Santa get my name from the Alien list? Did I need to fill out another card? 
 


The afternoon went from bad to worse. Sister told us we could put our letters to Santa in the special mailbox in the classroom. A letter? What language did Santa speak? He'd never heard from me. I wasn't on his list. What could I say? 
 


"Hi, you don't know me, but I'd like some toys." I'd never written a letter to La Befana. She just gave me toys. Would Santa shoot La Befana if she came to College Point? Oh, boy… I was in big trouble. 
 


In kindergarten we learned about God the Father, about how we should pray to Him and tell Him what we needed. I didn't need another Father. I figured if my Pop was always busy working, this guy who took care of everything in the whole wide world would really never have time for me. 



I needed a Grandma.
 


The next time we went to Corona I told Nonni about Santa Claus and that he was in charge of Christmas in College Point. Nonni listened patiently as I explained the rules. 

She repeated the main points: "Santa Claus. A letter."

I nodded. 

"I fix. I write letter to Befana. She give to Santa. No hard feelings. Christmas come." 
 


I had my doubts. Nonni had never been to College Point. Maybe nobody ever had to change from La Befana to Santa Claus. Maybe Christmas was lost forever, like some of the packages we never got from Malta.
 


On Christmas Eve we all gathered at Uncle Joe and Aunt Betty's home in Corona. We had the Christmas Eve dinner. Then we went to St. Leo's for the Midnight Mass. Everything was familiar. Latin and Italian. Why couldn't we have stayed there? 



When we were leaving the church I saw a pale cloud in the sky. It looked long and thin, with a sort of lump on one end. For a moment I thought it looked like Santa and his sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. I kept looking at that cloud. It followed us from the church to Uncle Joe's house, where we had panettone.  

When we left, the cloud was still there. I watched from the car. The cloud followed us from Corona to College Point. 
 


I never noticed clouds before. Did clouds always follow people from one town to another? Was it really a cloud? Sister had told us that Santa had millions of helpers, tiny people called elves. Could it have been an elf picking up the letter from La Befana?
 


Christmas morning, Pop was eating breakfast while Ma was cleaning Rose. Ma sent me to the basement to get some dry diapers that were hanging by the furnace. Being a big sister wasn't much fun. I pulled down two diapers. Then I noticed some lumps by the furnace. I thought some clothes had fallen off the line. I walked toward the furnace. 


 
But the lumps weren't clothes.  


They were boxes. 

They were wrapped. 

They were presents! 

They were for me!!



Santa had found me.

Breads: Cinnamon Donut, Cinnamon Swirl Donut, Lemon Blueberry Loaf, Starbucks Lemon Loaf, Lemon Loaf, Lemon Cottage Loaf / Christmas Baking by Margaret Ullrich

Okay… we’re dashing down the icy Christmas highway.
It’s all going to hit the fan in seven days.


Unless you’ve managed to find something as life changing and important as the Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle from Jean Shepherd’s A Christmas Story, everyone’s main focus is going to be on what you are going to feed them.

Think about about all the most important Christmas movie scenes:
The Cratchit’s family dinner - the one with Tim’s big ‘God bless us, everyone’ scene - in each and every version of A Christmas Carol
The lime jello with cat food that accompanied the Griswold’s overcooked turkey that exploded in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Nora racing to get the last can of Mel's Hickory Honey Ham in Christmas with the Kranks
The reaction the whole neighbourhood had when Nora confessed that she couldn’t get the ham and they would have to feast on smoked trout

No doubt about it.
Your meal will have an audience who will be taking note and recording every little detail of your dinner, from soup to nuts.
Most likely they’ll also be posting pictures on Facebook.
No pressure.

Come to think of it, food played an important part in A Christmas Story.
Remember when, after the excitement from unwrapping the gifts was over, the Bumpus’s hound dogs broke into the Parkers’ home and devoured their turkey?
Destroying their chance of having turkey leftovers in all its tradition forms.
The last memory Ralphie had of that Christmas was the Chinese turkey they were introduced to in the Chinese restaurant.
THE. LAST. MEMORY.

Yes, food is THAT important.

If you haven’t baked a fruitcake, all’s not lost.
These breads don’t need to age.
They can serve as a brunch or as a dessert.

Well, it’s a start.


Hints:

If you do not have buttermilk add a tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar to one cup milk and let sit five minutes. Stir and use.

About the Cinnamon Donut Bread…
For seasonal twists use pumpkin pie spice or cardamom instead of cinnamon.

This loaf is ideal for breakfast, snacks, or an after dinner dessert.
Wrapped, this loaf stays moist for up to three days. it can also be frozen for up to 2 months. Thaw at room temperature.


About the Starbucks Lemon Loaf (Copycat)…
For a brighter flavour use more lemon zest and a touch less extract.
Don’t overmix when you add the dry ingredients. Small lumps are okay.
Avoid overbaking for the moistest texture.
Store in airtight container to store at room temperature for up to 5 days.
Wrap cooled loaf tightly and freeze for up to 3 months. Thaw overnight in fridge before serving.


About the Lemon Cottage Loaf…
Two lemons will be enough for both the juice and zest needed.

Start with one tablespoon juice, cream and sugar for the icing. Add more sugar if the icing is too thin, because you want the icing thick, but still pourable.
Add 1/2 teaspoon more of liquid if it’s too thick.

When the bread is completely cooled, and the icing is hardened store in an airtight container. You can store it at room temperature for 4 to 5 days.
Don’t store the lemon loaf cake in the fridge or it will dry it out quicker.
This lemon loaf can also be frozen for up to 6 months. Thaw at room temperature.

 

                      Cinnamon Donut Bread

Preheat oven to 350° F
Grease a 9x5-inch loaf pan or line with parchment paper.

For the Cinnamon Sugar Topping:
1/2 Cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Stir together.

 

For the Donut Bread:
Place in a medium bowl
2 large eggs
1 Cup buttermilk
1/2 Cup unsalted butter, melted
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Stir together.

Place in a large bowl
2 Cups flour
3/4 Cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
Stir together.
Pour the wet mixture into the dry ingredients.
Stir gently until just combined.
Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan.
Bake for 45 to 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean.
Let the bread cool in the pan for 10 minutes before transferring it to a wire rack.
Brush the top with
1/4 Cup unsalted butter, melted
Sprinkle over the top the cinnamon sugar topping.
Slice and serve warm or at room temperature with butter or honey.


                                      Cinnamon Swirl Donut Bread

Preheat oven to 350° F
Grease an 8x4-inch loaf pan.

For the Cinnamon Sugar Topping:
Place in a large plate.
1/4 Cup sugar
1/4 Cup light brown sugar, packed
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Stir together and set aside.

For the Donut Bread:
Place in a small bowl
1 1/2 Cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Stir together.

Place in a large mixer bowl
1/2 Cup butter, softened
1 Cup sugar
Beat together until light and fluffy, about 1 minute.
Add
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 Cup sour cream or Greek yogurt
Mix until smooth.

Add half of the flour mixture to the bowl. Stir just to blend.
Then add
1/4 Cup milk
Blend together, then add
Add the remaining flour mixture. Stir just to blend.
Then add
1/4 Cup milk
Stir just to blend.

Remove 1 Cup of the batter and place in a small bowl.
Stir in
1 Tablespoon molasses
2 teaspoons cinnamon

Pour half of the original batter into the prepared loaf pan.
Cover with the cinnamon / molasses batter.
Pour the remaining original batter on top.
Using a butter knife, swirl the layers together a bit.

Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the centre comes out clean.

Remove pan from oven, place on a wire rack and allow to cool for 10 minutes.
Run a knife around the edge, remove the bread from the pan, and transfer bread to a wire rack to finish cooling completely.
Make sure the loaf is cooled completely before adding topping. Otherwise, it will be too soft and could break when you try to lift and dip it.

Brush the top and sides of the loaf with
1/4 Cup unsalted butter, melted
Dip the top and sides of the loaf into the sugar mixture.
Slice and serve warm or at room temperature.

                      Lemon Blueberry Loaf

Preheat oven to 350° F
Grease and flour a 9x5-inch loaf pan.

Place in a small bowl
1 Cup fresh or frozen blueberries
1 Tablespoon flour
Toss together and set aside.
Place in a medium bowl
1 2/3 Cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
                                                      Stir together.

Place in a measuring cup
1/2 Cup milk
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon extract
Stir together.

Place in a large mixer bowl
1/2 Cup butter, softened
1 Cup sugar
Cream until fluffy.
Add, one at a time,
2 large eggs
Beat well after each addition.
Add alternately, making 3 dry and 2 liquid additions
the flour mixture
the milk mixture
Fold in
the floured blueberries

Pour batter into prepared pan.
Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean.
Cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
Run a knife around the edge, remove the bread from the pan, and transfer bread to a wire rack to finish cooling.

For the Lemon Syrup:
Place in a small saucepan
2 to 3 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 Cup confectioner’s sugar
Stirring constantly, cook over low heat until it thickens slightly.
Pour over the cooled bread and allow to cool completely before cutting.
 

           Starbucks Lemon Loaf (Copycat)

Preheat oven to 350° F
Spray a 9×5-inch loaf pan with cooking spray.
Set aside.

Place in a large mixer bowl
1 Cup sugar
3 large eggs
1 Cup sour cream
Beat until smooth.
While mixing on low speed, gradually add
1/2 Cup vegetable oil
Zest of 1 large lemon
2 Tablespoons lemon extract
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Beat to combine.
Stir in
1 1/2 Cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
Stir until just combined.

Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan.
Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean. If browning too much, tent with foil during the last 10 to 15 minutes.
Allow the loaf to cool completely in the pan.
Transfer bread to a wire rack to finish cooling completely before glazing.

For the Glaze:
Place in a medium bowl
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
1 Tablespoon milk
Stir together, then gradually add
1 Cup confectioner’s sugar (more if needed for consistency)
Beat until smooth.
Drizzle over cooled loaf.
Let set, then slice and serve.


                                      Lemon Loaf (Starbucks Copycat)

Preheat oven to 350° F
With a pencil, trace the bottom of the pan on a piece of waxed paper and cut out with scissors. Line the bottom of a 9x5-inch loaf pan with a piece of waxed paper. Spray the pan and paper with non-stick baking spray.
Set aside.

Place in a medium bowl
1 1/2 Cups flour
1 (3.4 oz. package) instant lemon pudding mix
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
Stir to combine.

Place in a large mixer bowl
3 large eggs
1 Cup sugar
2 Tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 Tablespoon lemon extract
1/3 Cup lemon juice
1/2 Cup oil
3/4 Cup plain Greek yogurt
Blend until evenly combined.
Gradually add the dry ingredients, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl, until just combined.
Pour batter into the prepared pan.
Bake for 55 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean.
Remove pan from oven, place on a wire rack and allow to cool for 10 minutes.
Run a knife around the edge, invert and remove bread from the pan, then remove the waxed paper from the bottom.
Transfer bread to a wire rack to finish cooling completely.

For the Frosting:
Place in a small mixer bowl
3 Tablespoons butter, softened
3 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon extract
Beat to combine.
Gradually add
1 1/2 Cups confectioner’s sugar
Beat until smooth and creamy.
Evenly spread the frosting over the top of the loaf.
Refrigerate to let frosting set completely before slicing.
Store any leftovers in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

                                       Lemon Cottage Loaf

Preheat oven to 350° F
Grease an 8 inch square baking pan.

Place in a medium bowl
1 1/2 Cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Stir to combine and set aside.

Place in a large mixer bowl
1/2 Cup butter, softened
Cream until smooth.
Add
1 Cup sugar
Mix for 2 to 3 minutes, until light and fluffy, scraping down the sides of the bowl as it mixes.
While mixing on low, add one at a time
3 large eggs
Add
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 Tablespoon lemon zest
1 teaspoon lemon extract (optional)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Stir until just combined.
Add in half the dry ingredients mixing until just combined.
Add
1/4 Cup buttermilk
Blend in, then slowly mix in the remaining flour mixture.
Add
1/4 Cup buttermilk
Blend in.
Spoon the batter into the prepared baking pan and smooth the top evenly with a spatula.
Bake for about 45 to 55 minutes until a toothpick can come out clean.
Remove from the oven and place on a wire rack.
Let cool in the pan for 1 hour, then carefully remove loaf to continue cooling on the wire rack.
When the loaf is completely cooled, prepare the icing.

For the Icing:
Place in a small mixer bowl
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
1 Tablespoon heavy cream
Stir to combine.
Gradually add
1 Cup confectioner’s sugar
Beat until smooth and creamy.
Add more powdered sugar if the glaze seems too thin.

Pour glaze over the loaf. Let the glaze set completely before slicing and serving.
Slice and serve.

                                                        ~~~

I also wrote the following essay about Christmas traditions for our CKUW radio show ‘2000 & Counting’.
Over the years our listeners asked for some seasonal stories to be repeated.
They seemed to like being reminded that we were all in the same holiday boat, a communal ship which made us feel like we were all sinking fast.

Ah… Christmas shopping, holiday customs, holiday baking…
Why do we do it?

I don't know about you, but as far as I'm concerned, there are two questions no one should ever ask a woman. 



The first is "How old are you?"

The second is "Have you done your holiday baking yet?”



Why is it that, when the thermometer falls, we're supposed to bake?  
Does the Queen whip up a fruitcake before writing her speech?


I don't think so.  



Holiday baking has been with us an awfully long time. 
Did you know that ginger was popular in Greece over 5,000 years ago? The Egyptians were eating gingerbread when the great pyramid of Cheops was just a brick and a prayer. I wonder what their gingerbread men looked like.


A few years after Egypt's building boom, an English King and his hunting party got lost in a blizzard on Christmas Eve. Well, they were clever lads full of English pluck, so they threw everything they had - meat, flour, sugar, apples, ale and brandy - into a bag and cooked it. Wallah!! Plum pudding. The Iron Chef would've been proud.  



On Christmas Day in 1666, Samuel Pepys wrote in his diary that he had risen earlier than his wife Who was desirous to sleep having sat up till four this morning seeing her maids make mince pies. 

I really admire Mrs. P. She just sat and watched her maids do the work, yet her husband felt guilty about her workload. How did she get him to suffer like that?



Some Christmas carols seem a little too focused on food. For example:

            Now bring us some figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer!

            We won't go until we get some, so bring it out here.
Those were somebody's friends? Somebody should've called the cops.


Holiday baking has followed us into modern times. The 1970s was the decade of old time family television shows like The Waltons and memoir books. 
Have you ever browsed through a memoir book? They reminded us of times like this...


Evenings when a cold blustery wind howled outside were perfect for sorting through recipes. They were cozy times. The children were sitting at the oak table helping Mama chop fruit and raisins. Papa was cracking and shelling nuts and crushing fresh spices in the grinder.

Isn't that sweet? Sentences like that convinced me that if we did things just like people did before television was invented, the world would be a kinder, gentler place.



We'll never know. Paul told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was too busy to grind nuts for a cake he didn't even want. 
Alright. Scratch Paul grinding his nuts. I bought ground nuts.


Step two... the batter had to be mixed. Back to that memoir...

When all the fruits were in, Grandmother called, 'Come, stir the batter!' 
We all took turns giving it a stir - clockwise for good luck - and made a wish.



I made a batter, threw in the fruits and called out, "Come, stir the batter!"



Carl pointed to the electric mixer sitting on the counter and said that he was staying on the eighth level of his computer game, The Temple of Ra. He also told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was too busy to stir batter for a cake he didn't even want.



I stirred the batter, clockwise.


Don't ask what I wished.



It's been downhill ever since. Do you know about the charming Swedish custom of hiding a whole almond in a serving bowl of rice pudding? The lucky person who finds the almond has to get married or do the dishes. Either my husband or my son - the fink never confessed - managed to swallow the almond every time.



I tried the German version - whoever finds the almond receives a marzipan pig. By then Paul and Carl had their own tradition: swallowing the almond. I felt so guilty looking at that poor rejected pig. 
I started my own tradition and ate him... along with the cake.



 
There's a Christmas carol that goes
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...


Well, the goose isn't the only one.

Anna Sultana’s Rice Pudding and Rice Custard / The First Maltese Lucia Queen by Margaret Ullrich

 

Sometimes we catch a financial break during the holiday season.
Not huge, but every little bit helps.
There are actually some Christmas traditions that are kind to our budgets.
The Swedish people have a Christmas dessert tradition that actually uses some leftovers.
How great is that!


Ma was a fan of rice puddings.
Ross il-forn (Maltese Style baked rice) was a regular dinner for us, especially towards the end of the month.
It uses a few slices of bacon and a small amount of ground beef to make dinner for five.
It was mostly rice baked in a tomato sauce, which was just fine with us.
Ma figured rice could make a good, filling dessert, too.

I guess one Lily Tulip co-worker gave her one recipe.
Then another pal gave her a different recipe, and, as time went on, she had quite an assortment of recipes.
Whether or not there was leftover rice in the fridge, she was all set to make a dessert.

Hints: 

About the Easiest Rice Pudding…
Add the zest of 1 lemon or orange (or a teaspoon of extract) when you add the vanilla.

To make a vegan rice pudding, use 2 Cups almond milk and 2 Cups coconut milk (or 4 Cups of either) instead of dairy milk.

About the Creamy Rice Pudding…
For creamier pudding, use short or medium-grain rice. You can also use 2 Cups leftover rice instead of the uncooked white rice, and skip the rice cooking part.
Adjust the amount of liquid in the Dutch oven if you think the rice is too dry.

This recipe is open to suggestions. You can add: dried cranberries, chopped dried apricots, brown sugar, pecans, or dates. For variety you can use water and half-and-half or almond milk. You can also add 1/2 teaspoon rum extract for a little kick.

For a tropical dessert add brown sugar, coconut extract, shredded coconut and chopped pineapple.

Place the Dutch oven under the broiler for a few minutes to give it a golden brown skin.

Allow the leftover rice pudding to cool, then transfer to an airtight container. Store in the fridge for up to five days. Reheat on the stove or in the microwave.

You can also freeze homemade rice pudding. Spoon the pudding into freezer-safe bags, leaving space at the top to allow for expansion. Freeze flat for up to three months.
Thaw in the refrigerator overnight, or in the microwave using the defrost setting.


About the Creamy Italian Stovetop Rice Pudding…
For an extra-rich version, replace half the milk with half-and-half or cream.
You can add 1 teaspoon almond extract for extra flavour.


                                            Easiest Rice Pudding

Place in a Dutch oven
1/2 Cup short grain white rice (Arborio, pearl, or Valencia)
1 1/2 Cups water
1 Tablespoon cinnamon
Bring to boil over medium heat, then reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes, or until all the water is absorbed.
Add
4 Cups milk
1/2 Cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Stirring steadily, bring the mixture to a simmer over medium heat, then reduce heat to low.
Stirring occasionally, being sure to scrape the bottom of the pot when you do so to ensure the pudding doesn’t burn on the bottom, cook for 45 minutes, or until mixture is thick and creamy.
 
When the pudding is ready, remove from the heat and transfer the pudding to a serving dish or several dishes.
Serve slightly cooled, or refrigerate 3 hours or overnight until well chilled.
Garnish pudding with a sprinkle of ground cinnamon or nutmeg (optional)


                                            Creamy Rice Pudding

Pour into a Dutch oven
1 1/2 Cups cold water
Bring to a boil over medium heat.
Stir in
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 Cup uncooked white rice (long, medium or short grain, or basmatic or jasmine or brown)

Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer until rice is tender and liquid has been absorbed, about 20 minutes.

Stir in
1 1/2 Cups milk
1/4 to 1/3 Cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt

Cook over medium heat, stirring often, until thick and creamy, about 15 minutes.

Place in a small bowl
1/2 Cup milk or heavy cream or evaporated milk
1 egg, beaten
Mix together.
Stirring vigorously after each addition, gradually add a few spoonfuls of the rice / milk mixture the the milk / egg mixture to temper the egg.
Stir into the Dutch oven
2/3 Cup golden or Thompson raisins (optional)
the tempered milk / egg mixture


Cook 2 minutes more on low heat, stirring constantly.
Remove from heat and stir in
1 Tablespoon butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Stir constantly until butter melts. Remove from heat. 

Serve warm or cool topped with a sprinkling of
cinnamon or nutmeg


                                            Rice Pudding Using Cooked Rice


Butter a 9x13x2-inch baking dish.

Place in a large mixing bowl
5 large eggs
Beat well, then beat in
2/3 Cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 Cups milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
Stir in
1 Cup cooked rice
1/2 Cup raisins (optional)
Pour into prepared baking dish.

Preheat oven to 325º F

Place the filled dish in a shallow pan large enough to hold the prepared baking dish.
Pour 1/2 inch of water into the shallow pan. It should come about halfway up the outside.
Sprinkle the top with
cinnamon, nutmeg or chocolate shavings
Bake 45 to 60 minutes, until custard is just firm and lightly browned on top.


                                            Creamy Italian Stove-top Rice Pudding

Place in a Dutch oven
3 1/4 Cups whole milk
3/4 Cup uncooked arborio rice
1/2 Cup granulated sugar
1/4 Cup unsalted butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch of salt
1/3 Cup golden raisins (optional)
Mix well.
Bring the mixture, uncovered, to a gentle simmer over medium heat.
Once simmering, reduce heat to low. Stir gently and constantly for about 20 minutes, or until the mixture thickens and the rice is soft and creamy.
Remove from heat and pour into 5 or 6 small individual bowls or a large bowl. It thickens as it cools.
Let the pudding cool to room temperature.
Either cover with a lid to allow a skin to form or cover with plastic wrap, pressing it gently against the surface to prevent a skin from forming.
Refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to 3 days.
Before serving, dust generously with cinnamon.
 

                                            Baked Old-Fashioned Rice Pudding

Preheat oven to 300º F

Butter well a flat, deep baking dish.

Place in the buttered baking dish
3 to 4 Cups milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, lightly beaten
Stir well to blend, then stir in
1/4 to 1/3 Cup rice, uncooked
1/4 to 1/2 Cup sugar
1/2 Cup raisins
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

Set the buttered baking dish in a large pan that will comfortably hold it.
Dot top with
2 Tablespoons butter, cut in smaller pieces
Fill the large pan with boiling water to the half-way point.
Bake uncovered for 2 to 3 hours, stirring every 15 minutes, carefully turning under the browned top and scraping the edges down.
Bake until the rice is tender and pudding is thick and creamy, not dry.
Serve hot or cold.


                                            Old-Fashioned Rice Custard

Preheat oven to 350º F

Break into a 2-quart buttered casserole
6 large eggs
Beat slightly with a fork.
Add
3 Cups milk

1 Cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1⁄2 teaspoon salt
Blend well.
Stir in
1 1⁄2 Cups cooked rice

1 Cup light raisins (sultana or golden)
Place the filled casserole dish inside a larger, shallow pan.
Pour 2 inches of water into the shallow pan. It should come about halfway up the outside of the casserole.
Bake for 30 minutes. Gently stir. Bake for an additional 45 minutes or until a knife inserted comes out clean.
Serve warm.


                                            Custard Style Rice Pudding

Preheat oven to 350º F

Place in a 4-quart buttered casserole
4 large eggs
3/4 Cup sugar
Beat together.
Slowly pour in
3 Cups milk
1 Cup heavy cream
Mix well.
Add
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
Mix well.
Add
3 Cups cooked rice, cooled
1 Cup raisins
Stir to combine.
Place the filled casserole dish inside a larger, shallow pan.
Pour 2 inches of water into the shallow pan. It should come about halfway up the outside of the casserole.
Bake for 30 minutes. Gently stir. Bake for an additional 60 minutes or until a knife inserted comes out clean.
Serve warm.

                                                                      ~~~

 

Along with being a co-host for the CKUW radio show ‘2000 & Counting’ from 1999 to 2007, I wrote stories and essays, which I then read live on air.
Back in 2000 I wrote this for our show.
No, I don’t do any of these seasonal feastday celebrations anymore.
At my age I have to conserve my energy for Christmas!

If you'd like to try something a bit different I have posted the recipes for the Maltese and Italian desserts over the years. Just copy and paste the name of the recipe in the 'search' box to the right, click and enjoy!

My parents and I immigrated to New York in 1950. A few years later, when I was in school, I asked why we didn't have anything pretty to eat for Christmas. My Ma told me that, in Malta, Christmas was a religious celebration. The focus was on God becoming man, not on cookies.

Maltese desserts are simple - fresh fruit and cheese with an occasional cookie. One Maltese cookie, the biskuttini tar rahal, could be described as hardened library paste with a hint of lemon and a dash of royal icing. A variation on the biskuttini cuts the sugar by half and replaces the royal icing with a sprinkling of sesame seeds.  
Both cookies are wonderful teething rings.  

Another favourite is the anise biscotti. The big thrill with a biscotti is seeing how much milk it can suck up before breaking in half and falling into your glass. 
It's like eating the sinking Titanic.  
For the holidays, we borrow from the Sicilians and make kannoli tar-rikotta (ricotta in a fried pastry tube) or a qassata (vanilla custard shmeared over a sponge cake).  
How lame is that?  

I knew my German classmates ended their meals with more oomph. Our parish, St. Fidelis, was a cookie heaven. The most amazing homemade cookies were brought to every church and school function by my friends' Moms. They were rich and gorgeous - the cookies, I mean. They were loaded with spices, fruits, nuts and jams, and were covered with thick layers of frosting and all sorts of sprinkles.  

When my Ma saw the competition she admitted defeat and took over the job of bringing coffee. I was free to eat whatever caught my eye. While I gushed, my friends' Moms all beamed. My friends thought I was nuttier than the cookies.  


My husband is a third generation American - half Swedish and half German. Okay, I was marrying into the Cookie Big Leagues. I thought, along with the change of name, I'd return from my honeymoon a changed woman able to make cookies with a capital ‘C’. To paraphrase the biblical story of Ruth, I believed, "What thou eatest, I will eat... thy cookies shall be my cookies..."

Well, you get the picture. Thanks to the movie ‘The Sound of Music’, I just knew we'd celebrate Christmas a la von Trapp: sitting beneath a huge, glowing tree, singing Edelweiss and munching beautiful cookies, my favorite things. Ethnic things.

The ethnic bit nearly ended my marriage.

There's an old German saying: ‘That which really tastes oft us trouble makes’.
Now, there's truth in advertising. Clear as a bell, they were warning me to not even go there. If I'd had half a brain I'd have just thrown in the mixing bowl and placed a huge order at the local German bakery for a deluxe assorted cookie platter, with some stollen on the side.

Nope, I didn't take the hint. I studied every German and Swedish cookbook I could find. The biggest surprise was that there were other days that had to be celebrated. Okay, I thought, practice makes perfect. Maybe it's like opening a Broadway show in Boston. 

I learned about their holiday customs.  

The first Advent biggie was December 6. St. Nicholas' Day. That called for small presents in Paul's shoes and some hot chocolate and buns for breakfast. No problem. The morning went without a hitch.  
Huzzah!! One day I'd bake cookies that looked like jewels!  


I spent more nights baking instead of sleeping. My next goal was an authentic Swedish Saint Lucia Day for our first December 13.
Maybe the lack of sleep was affecting my mind.  

According to one big fat book, a good Swedish wife got up at four a.m. to start tossing her cookies. God forbid any sunlight should shine on the dough or disaster would befall the household. Every hefty housefrau hoped a crescent moon was hovering on the horizon to bring good luck to the baking.  

No kidding. Without that sliver of light she could get killed, stumbling around in the dark like that. I really thought that if I followed the customs, my baking would get better. I got up at four a.m. and baked. Okay, I cheated. I used electric lights.  

Then I ran into a slight problem. According to tradition, saffron buns and coffee were served between three and four a.m. by the eldest daughter, who was dressed as the Lucia Queen. We didn't have children and I couldn't borrow a neighbour's kid for that ungodly hour. I had to make some changes in the sacred customs. I, as an eldest daughter, became the first Maltese Lucia Queen. Ever.

I stitched up a long white robe and tied shining red balls to our Advent wreath. I memorized the traditional poem. Then, when I saw how much saffron cost, I made another teeny change. I made cinnamon buns. What harm could it do?


The days flew. Finally, it was December 13, 3:45 a.m. Show Time!
I was clad in white, balancing an advent wreath with bouncing red balls and gleaming white candles upon my head. I was a glowing, flaming cherries jubilee, clutching a tray laden with coffee and cinnamon buns and walking ever so slowly to our bed.  

Hovering over Paul, I chanted: "Night goes with silent steps..."
Hmmph... No answer. He was snoring. No Swedish genes were making him wake up to behold his Lucia Queen.

Well, after all that work, this Lucia Queen required an audience.
Creating my own liturgy, I ad libbed. "Wake up, Paul."
Still no answer.
I set the tray down, gave him a push and repeated: "Night goes with silent steps... Damn it, wake up."
He snorted, turned and faced me. It took him a while to focus.
Okay, finally, I, the Lucia Queen, was getting the respect I deserved.

I went back to chanting, my voice building to an impressive boom.
"Night goes with silent steps round house and cottage.
O'er earth that sun forgot, Dark shadows linger.      
Then on our threshold stands white clad in candlelight,
Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia."

He looked. He blinked. He screamed.
He said something that no one should ever say to a Lucia Queen.

I blamed the cinnamon. Maybe the Swedish mojo just doesn't work with cinnamon.
Look, if my Ma can blame religion, I can blame spices.